you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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