fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
