I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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