She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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