I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
