she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
