if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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