I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
