Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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