I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
