New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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