well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize