I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
