There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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