he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Randomize
