The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
