What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
