I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
