My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
