You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
