I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
