just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
