i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize