I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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