she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
