i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
