Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize