Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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