dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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