so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My balls are so social today.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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