I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
