4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize