i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
