My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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