Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
