oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
