Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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