Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
