apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
