Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
