Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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