im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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