my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fuck appropriateness.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
being pregnant is like rehab
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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