Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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