i already hear my dad disowning me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
