If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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