put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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