I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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