If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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