you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
