So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
