I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
