Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize