Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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