how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, beer. Big fan.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
