listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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