i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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