I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
