i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
