Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
