He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize