I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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