NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
