Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
