It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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