Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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