After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
