a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
