moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
