I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
