mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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