We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
