we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize