I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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