i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
