We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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