I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
