i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
