im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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