I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
