thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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