Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
