Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize