I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
