You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
