my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
