Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
