i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
