he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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