I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
