Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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