he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
