i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
