How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
