i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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