I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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