so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
