never play flip cup with pint glasses
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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