no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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