Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
