I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
