I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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